Are your sales letters alienating prospects?
From time to time, I receive follow-up sales letters or voice mails, that really make me cringe. Last week, it was a threatening voice mail. “This is the LAST TIME I am going to try to reach out to you…” Today I received another toxic email example, see below.
Are your sales people making the same mistake? Have you trained your sales people on the art of writing specific, value-focused sales letters? Are you feeding them the lines? Or have you cut them loose, to slit their own throats?
As email open rates continue their decline, getting email opened is as important to sales as it is to marketing. Therefore it is a wise move to help your sales people write better emails that get opened and read.
Here’s the email I got, and below, my thoughts on what’s wrong.
Subject: Was it something I said?
Throughout the last couple of weeks, I have tried diligently to get in touch with you regarding your interest in marketing your company. Through your registration on XXXXXX, I can tell that you are looking for visibility online and publicity, which will most definitely get you the exposure you need. This time of the year is proven to be the busiest and most lucrative for all businesses. That being said, I don’t want you to miss out on a genuine opportunity, especially with me reaching out to you ready to show you what you were looking for. Please get back in touch with me either by response to this email or my direct line provided below. Speak with you soon.
Are you cringing too? There’s something to learn from every sentence. Read on…
Subject: Was it something I said? (looks spammy, got my back up already, no benefit)
Throughout the last couple of weeks (A lie – it was months ago), I have tried diligently (I don’t care how hard you’ve tried) to get in touch with you regarding your interest in marketing your company (I don’t remember asking for help). Through your registration on XXXXX, I can tell that you are looking for visibility online and publicity, which will most definitely get you the exposure you need (maybe, or maybe I was just downloading a white paper).
This time of the year is proven to be the busiest and most lucrative for all businesses. (So what! What does this mean to MY business?) That being said, I don’t want you to miss out on a genuine (How genuine can it be, if you have to tell me it genuine?) opportunity (what opportunity? be explicit), especially with me reaching out to you ready (Gee thanks, how magnanimous of you!) to show you what you were looking for (You really don’t know what I’m looking for, do you?). Please get back in touch with me either by response to this email or my direct line provided below. Speak with you soon. (Are you kidding? I don’t trust you an inch by this point!) Just for fun, this was my reply. It demonstrates four principles of good sales letters: Attention grabber, Speaking to the need, Clear value-proposition, Relevant call to action.
Hi XXXXXX, Are these words yours, or did they come from your marketing dept?
Either way, you might like to know, they are a real turn off, for customers.
Sorry! I don’t wish to offend you, only to help you be more successful. 🙂
Why is your letter not getting the right results for you?
Because the focus is all about what you want,”I this, I that” “me, me, me”. It has the sincerity of a car salesman, and borders on angry. But worse, it tells me nothing concrete about how I might benefit directly from your services. You must have something of value, or you would not be in business :).
If you would you like to improve the impact of your sales letters, with copy that gets your customer’s attention, truly speaks to their needs, and delivers tangible benefits from working with you, I can help.
For a small fee I could write you killer sales letters that trigger the right response – a call back!
I guarantee I could lift your response rate by 50%, with a single sales letter. Call me to find out how.
See my comments below, I hope you can learn something from them.
All the best for 2013, and good luck with your prospecting.
P.S. Read my latest blog about toxic sales letters.